This is a lesson for advanced high school students about what kind of behavior is healthy or abusive in a relationship. It’s by PC Romania’s Gender and Development Committee (GAD) and part of a series of lessons from the “16 Days Against Gender Violence” campaign.
*This might be a sensitive topic for students, especially if some of them are in unhealthy relationships. The teacher needs to be prepared to offer advice or to direct students to someone who can give them advice or help if the need arises.
Lecția aceasta este valabila în română aici (.doc).
Objectives:
- Describe characteristics of healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships.
- Describe power in relationships and how it is related to and different from relationship abuse.
- Write a journal activity about a personal relationship describing the characteristics of the relationship and how power is divided in the relationship.
Resources: Paper, pencils, blackboard, copies of the types of abuse handout (.pdf. See preview below).
Time: One 50-minute class period.
Warm Up
Have the class brainstorm the different types of relationships they have in their lives or that exist around them (i.e. husband/wife, parent/child, student/teacher, friends, girlfriend/boyfriend, employer/employee, boyfriend/boyfriend, etc.). Write on the board.
Procedure
Next, students brainstorm healthy / unhealthy relationship characteristics and list them on the board. About 20 aspects per list. After the list is made the teacher can add any important characteristics students may have missed and ask them for input.
This is a list of important examples:
Healthy Relationships:
A. Non-threatening behavior, such as:
- Respect.
- Talking and acting so that your partner feels safe and comfortable doing and saying things.
- Listening to your partner non-judgmentally.
- Being emotionally affirming and understanding.
- Valuing each other’s opinions.
- Trust and support.
- Supporting your partner’s goals in life.
- Respecting your partner’s right to his or her own feelings, friends, activities and opinions.
B. Honesty and accountability
- Accepting responsibility for self.
- Acknowledging past use of violence or emotionally abusive behavior and changing the behavior.
- Acknowledging past infidelity and changing the behavior.
- Admitting to being wrong when appropriate.
- Communicating openly and truthfully, acknowledging past abuse, seeking help for abusive relationship patterns.
C. Shared responsibility
- Mutually agreed on fair distribution of work in the family.
- Making family decisions together.
Abusive Relationships:
A. Using intimidation
- Making the partner feel afraid by actions, gestures, and other behaviors.
- Destroying or confiscating your partner’s property.
- Making physical threats.
B. Using Emotional Abuse
- Putting the partner down and calling them names.
- Making the partner feel bad about him or herself on purpose.
- Interrogating, harassing or intimidating your partner.
- Humiliating the partner, whether through direct attacks or hurtful “jokes.”
- Making the partner feel guilty and shameful.
C. Using Isolation
- Controlling every aspect of your partner’s life.
- Limiting the partner’s involvement with life outside the relationship.
- Demanding the partner remain at home alone and not go out without the partner.
- Cutting the partner off from prior friends, activities, and social interaction.
- Using jealousy to justify the actions.
In groups have students create a Venn diagram for healthy and unhealthy characteristic placement. Draw two overlapping circles and list each characteristic in the healthy or unhealthy circle. Some characteristics may fall into the overlap between the circles—they may be healthy, but when taken to an extreme become unhealthy.
After placement, each group presents and explains why they placed each characteristic where.
Tell students that the Center Against Domestic Violence defines Relationship Abuse in romantic relationships as “any behavior where the aim is to gain or maintain power and control over a partner.” (NOTE: Explain that this organization is referring primarily to romantic relationships, but that abuse can happen in all types of relationships)
Ask students what they think about the definition. Ask students what they think would make a relationship abusive. Ask “How are abusive relationship characteristics different from unhealthy ones?” or “What would make an unhealthy characteristic abusive?”
Ask students to think about the relationships they mentioned earlier that are written on the board. Ask students:
- In which relationships do you think one person has more power or authority? In which relationships is this healthy or okay?
- In which relationships do you think both people should have equal power in the relationship? What should they have equal power over?
- What about romantic relationships such as boyfriend/girlfriend, girlfriend/girlfriend, boyfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife? Who should have power over what? What powers should be shared?
- How is abuse related to or different from having power in the relationship?
Name the following types of abuse and ask students to provide examples of each or have students complete the Types of Abuse handout.
- Verbal Abuse
- Emotional Abuse
- Physical Abuse
- Sexual Abuse
- Economic Abuse
Download this resource (.pdf)
Application
Ask students to choose a personal relationship and write about this relationship. What are the healthy and unhealthy characteristics? Do abusive characteristics exist? How is power divided in the relationship? How do they feel about this relationship?
Homework
Collect journal entries. Journal entries that are not finished are assigned as homework.
Additional Resources:
16 Days Against Gender Violence
Teach Like A PCV 